The ex is still calling. STILL.
Just when I start to feel like I can function: another message lies waiting on the machine.
How am I supposed to get better if it doesn't ever stop? How am I supposed to heal?
And why do I feel guilty and like a bad person for needing space?
And why do I want to cry when I get email messages like this - even though I know it's "for the best":
"you know what, i get it-im through with this."
through with me, he means...like I'm not worth the breath it takes to write the email....
And why do I even care? STILL? When I'm the one who initiated it?
I should be rejoicing, right?....then why does my heart hurt? Why does it still matter?
And as I care, why do I still feel afraid?
...and why am I writing about it here?
rants, ramblings, and random scribblings by run-down writer in need of room to breathe
1 comment:
because subconciously, you want my opinion and you won't call me or come visit so this is the only way ur subconcious can hear hope from someone who's gone through something like this, is as passionate as you, and is currently living her dream.
you loved him. don't expect your heart to change as quickly as your mind. it doesn't operate on logic like your brain and its going to take mental discipline and time for your heart to heal. you just ripped half of it out, threw it as far as you can and turned your back on it. don't be so surprised that when it comes crawling back to you and crying out your name that it reminds you of what you had and brings all the hurt back like a tidal wave.
just because you initiated it doesn't mean you aren't going to hurt. you aren't some 15 year-old who likes one guy now and another 2weeks later and breaks up with the first.
it'll take a while, girlie. it took me 18 months both times to look at another guy. i initiated both break-ups. it WILL pass, though. there's always a rainbow at the end of the storm. God promised us that.
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