Breaking news: My life is a soap opera

Breaking News: My life is a soap opera

In September, I recieved a letter on my doorstep. In it was my mother's anniversary ring - the one with four diamonds to represent the four members of our family - and a letter saying that my dad had "left her."I later learned that he'd accused her of having - at the very least - an "emotional affair" with her coworker and business partner. She, however, having learned of his online affair with another woman, apparently felt justified.

After several months of bitter arguements and feeble attempts at reconciliation, it became clear that things weren't going to get better. I, meanwhile, was having flashbacks of my time with my former fiance...horrible, soul-shattering flashbacks of things so terrible I'd "forgotten them"...and was now remembering them with heartwrenching clarity...

Cue the entrance of the classic "push and pull," the "he said, she said," that all children of divorce go through - no matter their ages. Cue my father openly admitted to cheating on my mother (at least in cyberland)....something I never really wanted to know. Cue my dad dating other women almost immediately after they seperated...and before their divorce was even finalzed. Cue my mother becoming paranoid....tying off the doors in the house with electrical cords when the alarm stopped working, accusing my father of "spying" on her via remote locating software (as if he were some sort of homicidal maniac). Cue mom oscillating between apologetic, antagonistic, and anal rententive.

Cue me not knowing how to feel about my dad...and worrying that my mother was having a mental breakdown.

Cut to: my dad only calling me when he wanted money or needed something.Cut to: me finding out, via the internet, that - when she "didn't have time" to come visit/see a movie with me - my mother was taking the daughter of the man she supposedly had an affair with out to a music concert. After weeks of asking her to come see me because I felt so alone. Because I had no one.

Fade to: me, sobbing and screaming at her over the phone. All I can manage is "She's his kid," while Mom proclaims that she never knew I was so selfish or immature. She cannot understand why I'm being so "unreasonable."

Cut to: me the next morning, unable to go to work because I feel so sick. Zoom in on me, having a panic attack for the first time, because I can't breathe I am so hurt. Pan out to me, in a counselor's office, being told I have anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of what my parents and former fiance have done to me. I began treatments and started learning coping techniques. Fade to black.

Flash foward a total of 6 months. I had logged into facebook and made a startling discovery: my mother had deleted all the pictures she had of my father and had started using her name. I had to discover, via a social networking site, that my parents were officially divorcing each other.

They didn't even have the decency to give me a phone call by way of warning.

Fade to a picture of my family in a dictionary: the word "dysfunctional" is typed in black ink in the sidebar

.......Intermission....... during which.....

I go through counseling, finally realize that it's my family that is psychotic (not me), and that despite what my former fiance has done to me, I am strong and able to survive anything.

I learn that I can love people without agreeing with what they do. And that, sometimes, that's the only option we have.

I realize that my happiness is in my hands...and I cannot wait for someone to find it for me.

I realize that no one has the right to tell me what to do or how to live my life...because it's MINE. I come to understand that I strong - not weak - because of all I have been through.

And, because of what I have been through, I come to understand that I have no room to judge...anyone...and no longer have any desire to.

I learn there is a hope for me...and that I am not "lost" or without potential.
I learn that I do have talent...and I am "good" at some things...good enough to get into one of the top low-res grad schools in the country -Vermont College of the Fine Arts - and will now have the ability to pursue my dreams (instead of someone else's).

I learn that, even for the most damaged of souls, God always has and always will have a plan.
And God always saves.

Days of Our Lives...eat your heart out.

How's THAT for a life lesson?